Kids TV? It's like the Lib Dems without the Focus newsletters
I don't know if I speak for the rest of you, but I need something of a break from the relentless discussion on Brexit. It has taken over the political discourse to the degree that politics now is Brexit, with party affiliations and well-thought-out political standpoints no longer defining us in the way that the Remainer-Brexiter binary does. It's all so depressing. But that's for another post.
We all need escapism and, I have just realised, I find mine in children's TV. As I have a 3 year old, I shouldn't perhaps find this surprising but I don't think I recognised how much I was immersing myself in the world of CBeebies. The penny finally dropped when I turned on the 1 o'clock News and my daughter moaned "not that rubbish"; to my surprise I found myself in complete agreement. Sarah and Duck is much more appealing. That's an undeniable statement of fact.
The thing is, the world of pre-school TV is rather intimidating for the uninitiated. And quite rightly too. Some of the shows are downright scary. Don't believe me? Take a look at these:
Sarah and Duck. Sarah and Duck is a whimsical take of a little girl (Sarah) who lives alone with her pet duck (imaginatively named Duck). They go an all kinds of adventures together, like walks to the park, planting shallots and flying kites. They have a friend called John, who also seems to live in a parentless house; he has a pet too - a flamingo named, equally imaginatively, Flamingo. Their world is, rather worryingly, an adult-free zone with the exception of Scarf Lady, an elderly woman clearly suffering from Alzheimer's whose life is organised by her talking handbag in the absence of community care. Oh, and they talk to cakes. And are quite pally with the Moon, too.
In the Night Garden. Sarah and Duck at least has charm in its eccentricities. There is no excuse for In the Night Garden. Every episode is basically the same - yet somehow it managed to spawn 100 episodes and is still airing after 12 years. The main characters are the cleaning obsessed Makka Pakka, a blue insomniac named Igglepiggle who seems to treat the psychedelic garden as his personal fiefdom, and Upsy Daisy who sings quite frankly hideous music and is followed everywhere by her apparently possessed bed. Minor characters include the Pontipines, who have eight children and really shouldn't have because they're dreadful parents who never know where their kids are. Oh, and there are birds called tittifers too.
The Night Garden also has a rather odd public transport system. The Ninky Nonk is a kind of train that, instead of running on rails, somehow manages to defy the laws of physics and careers up trees and through hedges. You never see the gardeners, but I'd guess they're not too happy with the mess and devastation the Ninky Nonk leaves in its wake. There's also the Pinky Ponk, which seems to be based on the ill-fated airships of the 1930s.
On the plus side, everyone seems to have an abundant supply of funny tobacco and hallucinogenics - it's like a really long advert for legalising drugs. Which probably makes it sound like more fun than it is.
Twirlywoos. This really is awful. A colourful family of what appear to be beakless, wingless birds, sail around in a boat, get off, and look for humans. When they get the opportunity for contact with people, they generally use it to play unpleasant tricks on them. It's Teletubbies on acid.
Topsy and Tim. This is not the Topsy and Tim of my childhood. No, this is a new Topsy and Tim. A ridiculously smug, cosy and middle-class Topsy and Tim. It's a show of gender stereotypes, impossibly perfect children and even more impossibly perfect parents - no real-life parents could live up to those standards. The neighbours are all impossibly wonderful too. Everyone in the entire neighbourhood thinks Topsy and Tim are the bee's knees - what message does that send to children?
It really should be renamed Twins' middle class adventures in suburbia.
Personally, I really want know what Topsy and Tim's mum does when the kids aren't around. Is she allowed to have her own life? Or do all her energies focus on being the perfect housewife?
Bing. Now, here's another perfect parent - Flop. Or is he?
Bing is a rabbit. A rather naughty and irritating rabbit, with little empathy for anyone else. But Flop has infinite patience for him, even when he kills butterflies. He teaches Bing good moral lessons and looks after all his irritating friends. I don't know how Flop deals with it all - perhaps when the "kids" are in bed he drowns his sorrows in the wine cellar. Maybe. But it's also hard to avoid the feeling that there's something strange going on here.
Bing and his baby brother are the only rabbits in this neighbourhood. His friend, Pando, is the only panda. Another friend, Sula, is an elephant. There are no "adults" aside from Flop, Ama (who works in a playgroup and is Sula's "parent") and Padget (who runs a shop and is Pando's "parent"). All of the adults are strange little creatures apparently made out of sacks and they're all a lot smaller than their "children". The beanbags certainly look like they're related. Are they up to something sinister, maybe even criminal? And are they in it together?
On the plus side, it's great that Bing challenges gender stereotypes.
Hey Duggee. Duggee is a dog. And a scout leader. He runs the "Squirrel Club" and teaches his "squirrels" all sorts of useful skills. Which isn't easy given they all speak perfect English and he can only say "woof". Worryingly, he is the only adult ever present and all his sessions end up with "Duggee hugs" - just as, mercifully, parents arrive to take their children home.
Abney and Teal. Abney and Teal isn't on so often these days, which is a shame because - like Sarah and Duck - it is full of eccentric charm. It tells of two ragdolls, named Abney and Teal, who live on an island in the middle of a lake. They have a "pet" - a talking turnip called Neep. Their best friends are the Pock-Pocks (a family of small pieces of wood which look as if they've been swept off a factory floor), a water monster named Bop who is proud of his ability to blow large bubbles, and Toby Dog. Toby appears to be homeless, sitting in the same place on the riverbank whatever the weather, occasionally playing his battered old accordion for the enjoyment of his friends. He has an entire repertoire of one tune.
What's great about Abney and Teal is the way that it elevates rejects and misfits to the status of social luminaries. What's more worrying is that there's no-one out there to help, or even notice, this poor community of deprived innocents. Where is a social worker when you need one?
Something Special. "Mr Tumble is funny!" we're encouraged to shout watching some of the worst slapstick ever shown on a TV screen. No. Whatever Mr Tumble is, he's not remotely funny.
Now, I don't mind a man with a bag obsession, even if the said bag happens to be spotty. I'm not averse to learning Makaton sign language either (I now know the signs for "monkey" and "telephone", which might come in handy if somehow I get locked in the ape house at Edinburgh Zoo). But the appalling songs and dreadful excuses for humour - I'd prefer the clown from Stephen King's IT any day...
Sure, Something Special gets bonus points for including children with disabilities. But it's not funny. Or maybe it's just Justin Fletcher who isn't funny...
You see, Fletcher has another show called Gigglebiz. It's a series of short sketches, mainly set in TV newsrooms reminiscent of the 1970s, and is a bit hit and miss. What's concerning is that both Fletcher and the BBC think that a man dressing up in women's clothing is funny in and of itself. This might be just about acceptable if the women he played were not all stupid, nasty, liars, thieves - or a combination of all four. Sure, his male characters are also fools but they're at least decent people who just happen to be stupid...
Don't read too much into this - it is all great fun (well, aside from anything with Justin Fletcher in it) and, I hate to admit it, highly addictive!
On which note I'd definitely recommend tuning into CBeebies sometime. It certainly makes a welcome break from political developments, or the frustrating lack of them. I'd specifically suggest watching Appletree House - the very antithesis of Topsy and Tim smugness, it's set on a London council estate and introduces us to the lives of a richly diverse community. There's Kobi, the caretaker from Ghana, who also seems to be a single dad. Along with Grandma Zainab, who looks after Mali (the principal character) they go out to make the estate a better place. Among the stories of everyday life there's a bit of social commentary and quite a lot of community activism. It's like the Liberal Democrats without Focus newsletters and pointing at potholes.
If you're in any doubt about how good Appletree House is, just check out the reviews for it. They're full of people complaining about "left wing liberals" and "rainbow cakes". WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???????
Oh, I've gone all political again. Well, that was indeed a short break...
We all need escapism and, I have just realised, I find mine in children's TV. As I have a 3 year old, I shouldn't perhaps find this surprising but I don't think I recognised how much I was immersing myself in the world of CBeebies. The penny finally dropped when I turned on the 1 o'clock News and my daughter moaned "not that rubbish"; to my surprise I found myself in complete agreement. Sarah and Duck is much more appealing. That's an undeniable statement of fact.
The thing is, the world of pre-school TV is rather intimidating for the uninitiated. And quite rightly too. Some of the shows are downright scary. Don't believe me? Take a look at these:
 |
| Sarah and Duck have little time for adults. But they do find time to go out shopping with the moon. (Photo: BBC) |
In the Night Garden. Sarah and Duck at least has charm in its eccentricities. There is no excuse for In the Night Garden. Every episode is basically the same - yet somehow it managed to spawn 100 episodes and is still airing after 12 years. The main characters are the cleaning obsessed Makka Pakka, a blue insomniac named Igglepiggle who seems to treat the psychedelic garden as his personal fiefdom, and Upsy Daisy who sings quite frankly hideous music and is followed everywhere by her apparently possessed bed. Minor characters include the Pontipines, who have eight children and really shouldn't have because they're dreadful parents who never know where their kids are. Oh, and there are birds called tittifers too.
 |
| Twirlywoos: Tellytubbies on acid (Photo: BBC) |
On the plus side, everyone seems to have an abundant supply of funny tobacco and hallucinogenics - it's like a really long advert for legalising drugs. Which probably makes it sound like more fun than it is.
Twirlywoos. This really is awful. A colourful family of what appear to be beakless, wingless birds, sail around in a boat, get off, and look for humans. When they get the opportunity for contact with people, they generally use it to play unpleasant tricks on them. It's Teletubbies on acid.
 |
| Topsy and Tim: Too perfect? (Photo: BBC) |
It really should be renamed Twins' middle class adventures in suburbia.
Personally, I really want know what Topsy and Tim's mum does when the kids aren't around. Is she allowed to have her own life? Or do all her energies focus on being the perfect housewife?
 |
| Are they in this together? Flop and Ama, that is... (Photo: BBC) |
Bing is a rabbit. A rather naughty and irritating rabbit, with little empathy for anyone else. But Flop has infinite patience for him, even when he kills butterflies. He teaches Bing good moral lessons and looks after all his irritating friends. I don't know how Flop deals with it all - perhaps when the "kids" are in bed he drowns his sorrows in the wine cellar. Maybe. But it's also hard to avoid the feeling that there's something strange going on here.
Bing and his baby brother are the only rabbits in this neighbourhood. His friend, Pando, is the only panda. Another friend, Sula, is an elephant. There are no "adults" aside from Flop, Ama (who works in a playgroup and is Sula's "parent") and Padget (who runs a shop and is Pando's "parent"). All of the adults are strange little creatures apparently made out of sacks and they're all a lot smaller than their "children". The beanbags certainly look like they're related. Are they up to something sinister, maybe even criminal? And are they in it together?
On the plus side, it's great that Bing challenges gender stereotypes.
 |
| Duggee hugs. Pretty scary stuff. (Photo: BBC) |
Abney and Teal. Abney and Teal isn't on so often these days, which is a shame because - like Sarah and Duck - it is full of eccentric charm. It tells of two ragdolls, named Abney and Teal, who live on an island in the middle of a lake. They have a "pet" - a talking turnip called Neep. Their best friends are the Pock-Pocks (a family of small pieces of wood which look as if they've been swept off a factory floor), a water monster named Bop who is proud of his ability to blow large bubbles, and Toby Dog. Toby appears to be homeless, sitting in the same place on the riverbank whatever the weather, occasionally playing his battered old accordion for the enjoyment of his friends. He has an entire repertoire of one tune.
What's great about Abney and Teal is the way that it elevates rejects and misfits to the status of social luminaries. What's more worrying is that there's no-one out there to help, or even notice, this poor community of deprived innocents. Where is a social worker when you need one?
 |
| Mr Tumble: definitely not funny. (Photo: BBC) |
Now, I don't mind a man with a bag obsession, even if the said bag happens to be spotty. I'm not averse to learning Makaton sign language either (I now know the signs for "monkey" and "telephone", which might come in handy if somehow I get locked in the ape house at Edinburgh Zoo). But the appalling songs and dreadful excuses for humour - I'd prefer the clown from Stephen King's IT any day...
Sure, Something Special gets bonus points for including children with disabilities. But it's not funny. Or maybe it's just Justin Fletcher who isn't funny...
You see, Fletcher has another show called Gigglebiz. It's a series of short sketches, mainly set in TV newsrooms reminiscent of the 1970s, and is a bit hit and miss. What's concerning is that both Fletcher and the BBC think that a man dressing up in women's clothing is funny in and of itself. This might be just about acceptable if the women he played were not all stupid, nasty, liars, thieves - or a combination of all four. Sure, his male characters are also fools but they're at least decent people who just happen to be stupid...
 |
| Appletree House: Like Lib Dems without the Focus newsletters (Photo: BBC) |
On which note I'd definitely recommend tuning into CBeebies sometime. It certainly makes a welcome break from political developments, or the frustrating lack of them. I'd specifically suggest watching Appletree House - the very antithesis of Topsy and Tim smugness, it's set on a London council estate and introduces us to the lives of a richly diverse community. There's Kobi, the caretaker from Ghana, who also seems to be a single dad. Along with Grandma Zainab, who looks after Mali (the principal character) they go out to make the estate a better place. Among the stories of everyday life there's a bit of social commentary and quite a lot of community activism. It's like the Liberal Democrats without Focus newsletters and pointing at potholes.
If you're in any doubt about how good Appletree House is, just check out the reviews for it. They're full of people complaining about "left wing liberals" and "rainbow cakes". WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???????
Oh, I've gone all political again. Well, that was indeed a short break...
Comments
Cbeebies 18:10 today
Not quite the same as the original, but good all the same - and filled with the same kind of community spirit and respect for others you find in Appletree House!
Take the opportunity to spend time with your children while you can. In 10 years time they will consider you to be the most embarrassing thing ever.
I spend a lot of time with my kids - I gave up my job in the civil service and became self-employed in order to give more time to them. And oddly enough the TV's not on a great deal - but when it is I watch it with them!
Thanks for reminding me of what I have to look forward to in 10 years' time!