Thursday, 29 July 2010

What has the coalition ever done for us?

(Adapted from Monty Python's Life of Brian. Apologies to Cleese, Idle, Palin, Chapman, Jones et al)

Reg: We voted Lib Dem and they betrayed us with the coalition. And what has the coalition ever given us in return? (he pauses smugly)
Xerxes: An increase in income tax thresholds?
Reg: What?
Xerxes: You know, on income tax, we won’t have to pay so much.
Reg: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
Masked Commando: And the referendum on electoral reform!
Stan: Oh yes ... the AV referendum, Reg, you remember what UK politics used to be like.
Reg: All right, I'll grant you that progress on income tax and the AV referendum are two things that the coalition has done ...
Matthias: And the debt reduction...
Reg: (sharply) Well yes, obviously the debt reduction ... tackling the huge debt mountain goes without saying. But apart from income tax, the AV referendum and tackling debt...
Another Masked Commando: Abolishing ID cards...
Other Masked Voices: Health reform... fewer quangos...better scrutiny of government spending...
Reg: Yes ... all right, fair enough ...
Voice Nearer The Front: And more freedom for local government.
General Audience: Oh yes! True!
Francis: Yeah. That's something we really would never have got under Labour, Reg.
Masked Commando At Back: And we’ve got a proper strategy on Afghanistan now! (more general murmurs of agreement)
Reg: All right ... all right ... but apart from fairer taxation, the AV referendum, health reform, more accountable government, debt reduction, civil liberties, a sensible strategy for Afghanistan and increased freedom... what has the coalition done for us?
Xerxes: Brought stable government!
Reg: (very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh ... (scornfully) Stability, yes ... shut up!

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